Of The PanAm Games Stadium Site Selection Process...And Concomitant 'Discussion'

The Jack Joke

One morning, Sam was heading out the door to his car when he came to a halt on the sidewalk. "Damn," he said, black cloud instantly over his head. "A flat."

Just as instantly, he began generating thoughts. "Oh, boy... Getting the spare on is going to take time. Time I don't have. I'll be late for work, and I have a huge presentation this morning." He gasped. "I'm gonna get shit-canned."

Sam's thinking continued. Soon enough, he smacked his forehead. "I don't have a jack! What the hell am I going to do?" he asked, the drama descending. "No jack...no spare tire installed...I'll be late, I'll miss my own presentation..." Clearly, anguish had replaced drama as he visualized the potential end result.

"Wait!" he yelled, joyous. "Bob's got a jack! I'll go next door and borrow it!"

Placing his briefcase on the lawn, Sam set off down the sidewalk. His mood having shifted, he grinned as he went. "I'll go next door, borrow the jack from Bob, change the tire, get to to work on time...and deliver my presentation!"

Sam suddenly stopped at the street; the black cloud was back with a vengeance. "What if Bob won't lend me his jack? I won't be able to change the tire, I won't get to work on time, I won't be able to do my presentation..."

Feeling tears coming on, Sam shook his head as he marched off once more. "No. He's my friend. We've known each other for years. He'll lend me his jack. Everything will be fine."

At the bottom of Bob's driveway, Sam paused once more. "But what if he doesn't?" he asked himself. "What if he doesn't want to loan me the jack? I'll be screwed."

Again Sam set off, this time over-full with piss and vinegar. Jaw stiff, eyes steely, he continued all the way up Bob's driveway, marching to destiny, steam coming out his ears.

By the time he got to Bob's front door, he was livid. Reaching out to finger the buzzer, he recoiled and instead banged his fist on the door.

After a short wait, the door opened and a smiling Bob appeared. "Hey, Sam! What's up? What's happ-"

"Listen, dickhead," Sam spat. "You can take your jack and shove it up your ass!"